The 2 Weeks

In a blink of an eye, it's been 2 weeks of the toughest situation in my life. Looking back at memories we had and thinking of how things changed so much along the way, coupled with so many of my mistakes, I just can't stand to see myself for doing so many stupid things before. 


I have no clue anymore, what is right and what is wrong, nor what is caring and what is not. What is for the better of a person and what is consider selfish. So many fine lines between all these grey areas that messes up my mind in the past 2 weeks. 


Sometimes, I wish things would be easier left said and answered rather than always wondering in the dark, what was it really and why. I would really want to know why or how everything changed so fast. The reasons I have faced or read before doesn't seem to apply logically of what is happening now. 


Maybe I just can't let it  go, which is why I'm feeling this way. Watching the movie One Day after seeing it in her favourite quotes, makes me wonder if fairy tales in movies ever do happen in the real world. Would really one day of every year an opportunity to meet the person you care so much about be real? Even if September 15 would be the day, it is also not right to even do so. 


I don't know when I will ever let it go. I would lie to myself if I say I'm not sad. I would like to myself if I don't say how much I miss her and love her still, even though I have neglected her so much previously. What she warned me before is so real now and I only have myself to blame. 


A big part of my life is really blank now, and I have more than half my soul, in knowing what to fight for in my life. At times I do wish God would tell me how long I will have in this world, so that I know how long more I can enjoy my life. 6 years of memories is really hard to let go, yet I have no choice. 


I'm just carrying out what I'm responsible now until I'm not sure when and how things go, cause it just feels really empty anymore. I'm so lost. I thought loyalty was the most important thing, but I know now it's more than that. It really takes more than that. 


I know things will never be the same again, but I just hope I can see her alone again in my life, similarly like how the movie One Day happens. At least I know how things are. She was always been my only best friend and now it had to change so much. 

I wish I could relive memories again by turning back time. But it's just an empty wish. Never knew I will be hit by such a big truck in my life. I wonder if I will ever wake up. 2 weeks and still counting....